Archive for the Rants Category

God’s plan

Posted in Adoption, Rants on October 29, 2008 by Brad

I am not someone who sets great store in organized religion. This has been a massive pitfall for me when it comes to twelve step programs. My concept of a higher power is extremely weak. The buck stops here. I am the higher power. So it completely befuddles me when people start talking about it being God’s plan that they should adopt. It defies logic.

If God is supposed to be all-knowing and all-powerful, why is he putting babies in the wrong uteruses? Ah, I get it… so that the parents (both sets) and child understand what it is to experience suffering. And God obviously does that because… he is loving and kind? Wait, that does not sound right. Maybe God’s plan is actually that the childless remain childless for a reason, and that mothers should be mothers for a reason. Maybe all this talk of God having plans is just a way of putting a positive spin on something fundamentally and terribly wrong.

Maybe God just needs some help with his engineering. Really, who would put an amusement park next to a sewage outlet? Guess the truth is God has a sense of humor and we are his little joke.

Or there is no God and maybe you should just learn to accept that you are benefiting from the misfortune of others.

Fear and loathing

Posted in Adoption, Politics, Rants on September 4, 2008 by Brad

Damn. I take a hiatus and another one bites the dust. Sad to see you go, Kim.Kim.

I have still been reading though. Just not moved to write, until now. I guess creativity must be related to the level of psychological wellbeing, because I find I am more likely to write when things are going badly. Anyways, I was reading Dan and I can’t not say something about this. And, most specifically, this.

Overturning Roe vs Wade

OK, not specifically adoption related, but I feel compelled to speak from my pro-choice perspective. Is it just me, or does “as president he will nominate judges who understand that courts should not be in the business of legislating from the bench” sound suspiciously like “as president he will nominate judges who will toe the party line”? The case was already heard in a court of law. The ruling was made. Deal with it.

Have you ever had a decision that you just could not make, so you flipped a coin, and then when you flipped the coin you decided that what you really wanted was the other outcome, so you went with it? That is what this feels like to me. If it does not work out how you wanted, you flip again and again until you get your desired outcome.

Quit flipping, McCain. The coin has spoken.

Promoting adoption

Christ. Where do I begin?

John McCain will seek ways to promote adoption as a first option for women struggling with a crisis pregnancy.” (emphasis mine)

Argh. Argh. Argh. /headwall

He will: “prohibit discrimination against families with adopted children, … provide adoption education, and … permit tax deductions for qualified adoption expenses, as well as … remove barriers to interracial and inter-ethnic adoptions.”

All great and noble ideals. And will he:

  • prohibit discrimination against single parents
  • prohibit shutting biological fathers out of the adoption and decision process
  • provide assistance for families in a crisis pregnancy situation

Oh, and what exactly will his “adoption education” entail? Will it educate parents on the psychological and emotional fallout in the wake of adoption? Provide information on what open adoption actually is and exactly how enforceable it is not? Explain the ways in which you may be manipulated by the agency you believe is working on your behalf?

Protecting marriage

John McCain believes the institution of marriage is a union between one man and one woman.” (emphasis mine)

He believes it. He apparently believes this gives him the right to force everyone else to live by his beliefs.

I believe he is evil incarnate. So… it is OK for me to kill him, right?

He scares me. A lot.

Terminology revisited

Posted in Adoption, Rants on May 29, 2008 by Brad

Someone left a response to a response I left on this post by Nicole. The original post was not about terminology at all, but terminology has a tendency to raise its head when I have the audacity to call myself a birth parent.

The response was:

I take it from your post that you are likely male, and thus would be an ejaculation father, as men can’t give birth and even the people who coined and promote the term “birthmother” admit that the term “birth father” is a gestational impossibility (which is why they favour “begettor” or “male genetic ancestor” for the male half of conception).

New one on me there. Ejaculation father. I think I like it. That way, I can run away after the deed and not need to appear at the birth to claim my coveted title.

But I digress. Because this is not actually about me. Because what this person has done, by turning my title into a physical act, is turn mothers of loss into incubators.

There are three reasons I call myself a birth father.

  1. I was commenting on Nicole’s blog, and she does not like it when I refer to myself as a sperm donor. (Yes, I am being flippant here).
  2. It is the most widely understood and accepted term in the world at large. Natural father and biological father do not necessarily imply relinquishment, and I personally dislike the first father term because to me it devalues the father Sprog now has.
  3. At the time of Sprog’s birth, I was his father. I did not sign those rights away after ejaculation. I signed them away after his birth. I am therefore his birth father, not his ejaculation father.

When you devalue my role by referring to me as a father by bodily function, you do the same to his mother. Instead of her role being an ongoing one in our son’s life, you have turned it into a physical process with a beginning and an end. You have turned her into nothing but a vessel to hold someone else’s child.

Furthermore, you imply that my relationship with his mother was nothing more than passing ships in the night. That his existence was the result of a sordid drunken romp in a back alley, and not the expression of love between two people with an ongoing commitment to each other. Sure, for some people it does happen that way, and there is nothing wrong with that. But to stereotype birth parents in this way is to reduce their power and silence their voices.

Vaccination Part Deux

Posted in Parenting, Rants on March 24, 2008 by Brad

Thank you to those who have shown their support of Reason (ie, support of Me). Just thought I would add this info which I picked up from the clinic when we had Lamia vaccinated. Quite interesting. This is just one of the vaccines Lamia has had so far.

Diphtheria – contagious bacteria spread by droplets; causes severe throat and breathing difficulties

Effects of disease: About 1 in 15 patients dies. The bacteria release a toxin, which can produce nerve paralysis and heart failure.
Side effects of vaccination: DTaP vaccine: About 1 in 10 has local inflammation or fever. Serious adverse events are very rare. 

OK. So if we vaccinate her, she has a 10% chance of fever and some inflammation. Awww, poor kid. If we do not vaccinate her she has a 0% chance of inflammation or fever, but a ~6.5% chance of death. Well shit, I would hate for her to get inflamed, and the chances of her dying are almost half that of fever and inflammation, so it is way better for her to die…. I mean really, what kind of fucktard thinks this way?
On the upside I guess they are all up for Darwin Awards.

Vaccination and community responsibility

Posted in Parenting, Rants on March 13, 2008 by Brad

For the sake of having something to call her in this blog, other than “my daughter”, I shall henceforth refer to my parented child as Lamia, because she possesses my soul.

So, on to public health. This may become a rant, and it may piss some people off. Lamia is vaccinated, and if you do not vaccinate, you probably want to stop reading right here.

Do not say I did not warn you.


Those self-righteous, SELFISH pricks who do not vaccinate their kids irritate me beyond belief. Their logic for not vaccinating? No reason to, because the incidence of disease is so low, and the vaccination might affect their child adversely, so why take the risk? On the surface it sounds reasonable, until you realize THE INCIDENCE OF DISEASE IS LOW BECAUSE THE REST OF US ARE VACCINATING OUR KIDS, YOU IDIOT! These parasites are relying on you and me to put our children at risk in order to keep their children safe. Worse still, the spread of this way of thinking could cause a public health crisis, as the number of people vaccinating dwindles, causing incidence of disease to increase. Your responsibility is to your child, yes, but it is also to the community you live in. What happens in your community affects your child also, so yank your head out of the sand and go do your piece for humanity.

State of the Union

Posted in Rants on January 30, 2008 by Brad


I broke my keyboard

Posted in Addiction, Adoption, Adoption Related Ramblings, Adoption story, Rants on February 21, 2007 by Brad

Yeah, I had a tantrum and I bashed my keyboard so now the spacebar only works if you submit it to some serious force. It was mainly due to frustration. Why is it not OK to hack into someone’s server for the express purpose of fixing bugs they refuse to admit their software contains? Seriously, give me access to the code, I will have it working in 5 minutes. I told you people what the problem was, I can tell just by the behavior. Reinitialize your variables, damn you. No, deleting my .ini files does not help because the problem is SERVER SIDE NOT CLIENT SIDE YOU RETARDS.