Misgivings, addiction and NA

I am being encouraged to resume going to an NA meeting every day. I am not sure this is a good move. I find that on some level I resent the time it takes out of my day, especially when those hours are the only time I have during the week to spend with my baby girl.

I also find NA a little…. hypocritical. Are caffeine and nicotine drugs, or are they not? For some reason it is totally OK to sit there strung out on coffee. Bizarre.  I do still drink coffee though. One cup per day. What if it is a gateway drug though. You know, it is only coffee, I can handle just one… you know, Kahlua tastes like coffee, I can handle just one…

At what point does it get ridiculous? Where do you draw the line? No sex, it releases endorphins… so maybe coffee and cigarettes is the place to draw the line and I am being overly critical about the hypocritical.

Sometimes I think I think too much.

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10 Responses to “Misgivings, addiction and NA”

  1. I’ve never personally had to struggle with addiction, although I have friends who have. So it’s quite possible I have no business even commenting on this topic. But I think — it depends on how this feels to you. If caffeine or cigarettes make you feel better without making you change how you choose to live, then maybe it’s ok.

    Mostly, what I think is that you should go to meetings. Think in terms that even if you don’t need them yourself, there’s probably someone at that meeting who needs your asistancen and friendship to get through their struggles. And that’s important too.

  2. Or is this the little green monster working overtime to convince you that you really don’t have a problem anymore…..?

  3. hugs to you as you face this latest battle.

  4. OMG you sound just like Matt in this post. Not sure there is anything to make of that, just observing. He too contemplates where to draw lines… feels that lines are often arbitrary, and if he can’t find a good philosophical reason for drawing one, he either abandons drawing any line or draws it tight around everything.

    I keep trying to tell him practical repercussions are as good a reason to draw a line as any, but he still resists this. So do I at times, so I know where he’s coming from.

    Yes, IMHO it does come from thinking too much.

  5. Celera – Problem being that you create a slippery slope when you decide that anything is OK so long as it does not make you change how you choose to live, because change is insidious and slips by without notice. Suddenly you find you have chosen to live in a bathroom with poor lighting and you have a hell of a time finding a decent vein.

    Regina – Yeah, it is the little green monster. I am putting other desires ahead of sobriety.

    Nicole – If Matt is still sober, maybe it is a good thing to sound like him. It is tempting to abandon the line drawing. Never can figure quite where to draw it. “Practical repercussions” are a little too vague, taking a step onto that slippery slope I just wrote of. You cannot draw a line at the consequences because the idea is to never get to the consequences. Have to figure out what will lead to the consequences and draw the line there. Too hard. Forget the line drawing. Maybe need an electric fence.

    Suz – Thankyou. I need some hair advice…

  6. “You cannot draw a line at the consequences because the idea is to never get to the consequences. Have to figure out what will lead to the consequences and draw the line there.”

    Yeah I know. Guess my point is… WILL coffee lead to you living in a poorly-lit bathroom? Truly? If it will, hell yeah put the electric fence around coffee. If it won’t, maybe the fence can be moved back a couple feet. Only you know.

    Then again you’re talking to an unmedicated bipolar, so what the hell do I know about lines, fences, or any other kinds of boundaries? Ha.

    P.S. Love the WordPress theme.

  7. Look, a critical key to long term sobriety is to respect the boundaries you need to keep yourself on track – whatever they are. You’ve got to ‘do the behaviors’ ESPECIALLY when you don’t ‘feel like it’ or think you need it.

    Only you can know if caffeine is a pathway drug for you or not. For DH, it’s nicotine. So as much as he really really wants a smoke sometimes (or a chew), he defers because he has learned that this is a gateway behavior.

    Also, going to indoor rock concerts. Another gateway behavior.

    I always think that whatever you’re reluctant to do, but know you should, that’s usually something you need to do.

    Just my thoughts.

  8. DH wanted me to add that he does drink buckets of coffee, always has and in the summer he drinks gallons of Sweet Tea (think really thick, really super sweet iced tea). He wanted me to add that it’s not so much the substance but the behavior and/or the environment that was key for him.

    🙂

  9. You are right, of course. It is about the behaviors. There are certain songs I cannot listen to because of the situations I was regularly in when they were playing. Course there are certain songs you do not want to listen to without being stoned (“Light my Fire” is one of those, man it is a long, boring song).

  10. You don’t have to drink coffee, you don’t have to like anyone that goes there. I would rather go to a meeting and be around people that annoy me and be judging them if it kept me clean. I’ve got eleven years clean and I’m grateful to the program for that.

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