Taken by surprise

You know that quintessential portrait of the open adoption birth parent waiting anxiously by the mailbox for promised pictures of their adored child to arrive? I used to do that. Well, not literally, because it is slightly chilly this time of year and I am more than passing fond of most of my extremities. But on the inside I would be jumping, and as I approached the mailbox that feeling would appear, the nervous anticipation… and then the bizarre feeling of rejection when there was nothing there.

We get pictures of Sprog every three months. These do not miraculously appear with the precision of a Swiss timepiece. Sometimes they are a few weeks early, sometimes a month or so late. Usually they have a good reason for being late – they wanted to include pictures from a recent vacation or someone’s birthday party. Nonetheless, somehow it instills terror in the heart when you go to the mailbox at two weeks overdue and still there is nothing there. Possible scenarios start to play in your mind. Nothing so innocent as “maybe it got lost in the mail”. Hell no. More like “maybe they all died in an avalanche”. Or the always-looming “maybe they are closing the adoption”. And never do I have the guts to call them and ask, because then they might think I distrust them and that might make them close the adoption… OK, I know, pretty screwy. I have no reason to think they would close the adoption at this point, certainly not without some communication of their intent, but somehow it is always the first insidious little thing to come to mind.

Imagine my surprise two days ago when my foray to the mailbox unexpectedly yielded an envelope of pictures. Yep, the timing is right. I had just totally forgotten to worry about whether or not they were going to appear.

Being my over-analytical self, now I have to wonder. Did the prevalence of other important matters cause it to slip my mind? Am I getting old and losing it? Or am I getting over my fear and trust issues? I would like it to be the latter, but I think I may just have to admit that I am getting old.


3 Responses to “Taken by surprise”

  1. kimkim Says:

    Well I don’t know what open adoption islike, I didn’t get photos but I do relate to waiting for news, e-mails and letters from my daughter early reunion.

    Maybe it’s just that you let go of expectations, I do think it’s you getting over fear and trust issues.

    Whatever it is, I am happy that you got photos.

    Wow, every three months?

    Can so NOT imagine that.

    I am so glad you have good people with your son. You deserve that.

  2. Larisa Says:

    You’re getting old 😉

  3. its real nice to hear that a guy feels so much like I do when waiting for news about a birthchild!!
    Its sometimes hard to keep your hopes up. sometimes I want to pretent that I don’t really care but I really do. I feel annoyed that the adoptive parents of my birthchild have forgotten me. I think its unfair that sometimes they think that birthmoms like me and birthfathers like you are seemingly forgotten by adoptive parents.

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