I like choirs. I enjoy the depth of sound that only comes from a host of voices working in harmony. That is what I think of when I think about all the amazing people who speak out in favor of adoption reform – all those glorious voices harmonizing to create something special.

Every now and then, a harsh voice will chime in and attempt to sing counterpoint. This happened on Paragraphein recently. A sadly misdirected comment left by someone who had evidently recently been through a traumatic experience in losing a placement. The commenter accused N and her readers of being narrow minded and immature, of casting adoptive parents as vultures. Which is interesting, considering how many adoptive parents are posting their support there, and likewise advocating for reform in the adoption industry. In fact, N and most of the people she links to are the last people you see putting other people down to further their own agenda. N has always been very clear that the problem is with the adoption industry, and adoptive parents and adoptees are just as used by it as biological parents. This is one area of common ground for all who have been (I hesitate to use this cliche, sounds kind of creepy, but what the hell) touched by adoption.

Sprog’s parents are not vultures. I admit I have said my share of uncharitable things about them, and we have had our share of misunderstandings resulting in hurt feelings. That is how relationships work. But the bottom line is they are good people, great people. Anyone who is willing to still speak to me after all I have put them through is worthy of some kind of heroic honor.

In truth, we did ask them to take Sprog. They were not even wanting to grow their family at that time. But we asked, and they agreed. I cannot help but wonder at what their reaction might have been if we had revoked after 10 days, after making them travel clear across the country to pick up our son, after they had held him and loved him as I had.

I hope N’s commenter is able to come to terms with the reality of what happened. That the child’s mother did not set out to hurt anyone’s feelings or ruin anyone’s life, she was just a woman in a difficult situation trying to do what was best for her family. That when she first held her child, she would have had the same love and bonding happening as the commenter when she held that same child. That letting that child go was just as hard for her as it was for the commenter, and how could you possibly wish that kind of pain on the mother of your child? I hope she gets it.


3 Responses to “Songbirds”

  1. All very good points, very solid points to add to what N. has said about the issue. Thank you for your perspective.

    ~ An adoptive mom 🙂

  2. Thanks for a beautiful post. I appreciate hearing your thoughts.

  3. She commented on my post tonight. I think she DOES get it. She is just really, really hurting, understandably so.

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