Bravery and valor

“Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid?”
“That is the only time a man can be brave.”

– George R R Martin

I guess this blog is a form of bravery for me. Of late, I have been putting myself out there along with all my many flaws and I find myself thinking maybe that was not such a hot idea, but these past couple months have been challenging and left me little time or energy to indulge in madly backpedaling to show off my thenthitive thide.

Now Jenna informs me that this blog has made some top 10 adoption blog list somewhere. I must admit to an initial moment of panic – this blog contains way too much fluff to appear in the company of people like Nicole, Claud and Jenna. My immediate thought was that I should start writing to change the world, like they do. That I need to change my style and subject matter to be respectable and thought-provoking and all that. And then I thought it all sounded too hard, and maybe I should just shut my blog down and be done with it. All this because someone linked to my site? Yeah. I was afraid. Afraid that I was not good enough.

Fear of inadequacy is a longstanding theme in my adoption saga. I am a completely different person around Sprog’s family because I feel so inadequate in their company. Conversation is stiff and awkward, I turn into a child, or maybe a Labrador puppy, constantly seeking their approval. I feel I can never measure up to their experience and stability. Consequently, I now have a well-developed terror of parenting.

Nelson Mandela once said “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

Maybe that is the truth of it. Parents have ultimate power over a child. Having the power to totally screw someone else’s life scares the hell out of me. But I will forge ahead bravely.

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10 Responses to “Bravery and valor”

  1. that is a great quote by Mandela. I hope to see you posting more.

  2. Oh heck – i’m there too and i just post whatever crap comes out of my head. post whatever the heck you like.

  3. I agree with Jenna and others. Your voice is valuable. And that means YOUR voice..not Jennas, N, or anyone else. You (though they are too). Having a dad share is so so critical, IMO.

    I also love that Mandela quote. Heard it once on Criminal Minds. I kinda have a thing for quotes. LOL.

    I can understand the inadequacy. I often feel it myself. Keep writing, keep on being you in whatever shape, form, desire that takes shape. Your inspire many just by being you.

  4. The irony is that parenting is the ultimate surrender of self to others. A word from a child and I crumble. I control very little that matters, and less every day.

    I believe that when Shakespeare wrote of unrequited love he was absolutely writing about the love a parent has for a child: because our kids never love us like we love them. Ever. That goes for all parents: everyday ones and life ones.

    Speaking from a different perspective, I can only tell you of the sheer terror bringing my son to his bparents instills in me – the fear of being completely inadequate, of totally screwing up, of not being good enough to be a parent to their child. It’s a cold pit of fear, and in the early days turned me into obsessive supermom. That is, until DS’s Nonni brought me gently but skillfully down to earth.

    I think we all feel inadequate, unless we’re delusional. It’s what you do with that fear that counts – do you push through it, live in it or walk away from it?

    Random thoughts.

    Regina

  5. I just randomly found this blog, searching for all things adoption, and I’m really impressed. you’ve got a great perspective, and have had such a unique journey. thanks for sharing

  6. Um Brad, you do realize that the entire reason you are ON that top ten list is BECAUSE of the uniqueness of your voice, right??

    And I’m not just talking about the fact that you’re a natural father… I’m talking about your writing style, your wit, the way you can provoke thought with just a couple short paragraphs (wish I could emulate you on that one, really), and yeah, all the refreshing “fluff” that helps show us who you are, and why your voice is important.

    So please keep writing, and keep doing it just the way you always have.

    We’d all be pretty boring if we tried to copy each others’ styles, messages, and voices. Really. Claud is different from Jenna who is different from Suz who is different from Kim who is different from me… And what makes any of us worth reading at all, is those differences, you know?

    P.S. What is your good February news? Don’t leave me hanging…!

  7. I am under no illusions, I know I am there because of what I am and not because my writing is good. I can live with that though, if I wanted to be a writer I would have studied English and probably gouged my own eyes out after trying to read some godawful poetry.

    My February news is not for public consumption Nic, will catch up with you in IM or something.

  8. Do you still have my email addy?

    And your writing IS good.

  9. Dude, your writing is good.

  10. You can learn an awful lot from a labrador puppy, they have no fear , they are new to the world and have yet to be hurt in any way but when they are like any other dog they come back for more as they only know hoe to be positive and give love , they do not judge and will remain your friend for life. not bad role models really regards Peter

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