Tonight was my home group meeting. The discussion was based around Higher Powers. This is a sore spot for me. I am in a 12 step program and I do not have a HP. In my little universe, I AM GOD.

Unfortunately, I seem to be a slightly masochistic god and I do not have many followers (most of them are canines).

I have been trying frantically to believe in something, anything, spiritual. I need… something… to turn my life over to. Some way to escape from the pressure of having to be in control. I am not certain that I can stick with this program. Not even certain that I should.

Yeah, I am harboring massive reservations. It is the program’s fault, of course. It always is.


5 Responses to “Heresy”

  1. reunionwritings Says:

    The power of the group can be your higher power, the Universe, even a dead artist whom you admire, mine wasn’t some old man with a beard.
    My higher power was a group of Irish mothers upstairs in a bowling alley all knitting and drinking tea, each one had a different job to advise me on different areas of my life. I dreamt them and in my dream I said all stunned “Are you my higher power??” and one of them said “Yes dear, you didn’t think there’d only be one of us did you?”

  2. I wish I had those kind of dreams. A knitting circle, how kitsch!

    Actually it is the first thing that has made the slightest sense to me, so thanks for posting this response. The power of the group and the universe had already been suggested, but they were too intangible for me to get a feel for. Dead artist I can work with. Wonder if it is a good or bad thing if they were killed by their addiction.

  3. You know I really don’t have a problem with the “I am God” thought as long as you realize that the “I” in that isn’t your personality, but rather what your spirit or soul is made of. Reminded me of this quote from Rabbi Rami Shapiro, “The real born again experience is to realize that you already are the Divine.”

    I’m on a quote binge, so might as well add this one of his too… “What is spiritual guidance? I can experience it, but to define it is more challenging. Maybe it’s discovering the grain of the moment – like the grain of wood – what the forces are that are operative in this moment so that I can engage them directly and cleanly without having to go across the grain.”

  4. Don’t groan, but I just found another one… “What makes the difference between the saint and the sinner is that the saint sees his own holiness, while the sinner is focused on his own sins.” ~Swami Adiswarananda

    Just to warn you, I have lots… ;-p

  5. Dead artist could be one who got clean or his or her spirit could be guiding you because they didn’t get clean and they want you to make it….
    Works for me. I would pick John Coltrane or Ray Charles they are my favourite sounds at the moment.

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