Terminology and point-of-view

I once saw a woman wearing a t-shirt which said:

Women who say they are not feminists
Have just got their terminology wrong

I wondered about that. Is it possible to refer to yourself in the wrong terms? Or are your terms the correct ones, and everyone else is wrong?

Dictionary says:

feminist adj : of or relating to or advocating equal rights for women

Pretty big assumption by the t-shirt there, to say that all women advocate equal rights for women. Advocate is a loaded word. It means to actively support, plead on behalf of. I hazard to say the majority of women are not this actively feminist. So perhaps the feminist in the t-shirt has her terminology wrong after all.

“I am a birth father.” Do I have my terminology wrong? Should I be referring to myself as “first father”? “Natural father”? “Biological father”? Simply “father”?

Yeah, you knew I was going here huh?

Father – According to the American Heritage Dictionary, a man who begets or raises or nurtures a child. I am not raising Sprog, but to an extent I do nurture him, and I did beget him. I call him my son – I have no other son, therefore no need to distinguish between him and any other male child born to me. Yet I find it impossible to think of myself as his father without any other qualifier. I am not one to argue that I should be referred to as “father”, because I cannot even bring myself to think in those terms. I signed a piece of paper relinquishing my right to do that.

All those other terms… they make no sense to me. I was Sprog’s father at the time of his birth, and therefore I refer to myself as his birth father. None of the other terms quite convey that fact that Sprog was adopted out of my life. I guess part of me wants it to hurt. I think I deserve it. You can layer all of the cushioning you like over it, but nothing truly covers what lies beneath.

Twisting quite a good Pearl Jam song:

Don’t call me father, not fit to be

The picture kept will remind me



2 Responses to “Terminology and point-of-view”

  1. BRAD!!! Missed you 🙂 Glad I found your blog. Hate to say, but its in my favs now. Hope you are well. Congrats on the clean days.


  2. wow, is that what that song is about??????

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