Stereotypes – represent!

See, here’s the thing. I am a birth father (first father, biological father, sperm donor, glazed donut, whatever you want to call it – it is after all just terminology and as long as you understand what I mean, should not be quibbled over. But that is a blog entry for another day). I am one of a very small minority of birth fathers who make an appearance in the adoption community. This rather disturbingly means that I am virtually the only one who has a hope of answering certain questions, and therefore some people look at me as the quintessential birth father. I had to look in the dictionary to even spell quintessential.

The problem I have with this concerns stereotypes. The stereotype of the drug addicted birth parent is all too prevalent, and as fate would have it I fit that stereotype perfectly. Unfortunately, it is a stereotype which birth parents are constantly battling to overcome – to educate the masses and prove that birth parents are ordinary girl-or-boy-next-door types. We did not all get high and neglect our kids, causing them to be torn from their mother’s bosom. Some of us did, sure, but many of us did not. I therefore dislike the fact that the unknowing may read my blog, put two and two together, and come up with “All birth parents are substance abusing losers”. I am certainly not the poster child for America’s Birth Fathers.

I considered splitting this blog. Moving the addiction related posts elsewhere, keeping the adoption ramblings here. Scanning back through my blog, I realize that would be exceedingly difficult. Both addiction and adoption are such a huge part of who I am, and indeed are probably the only reason I maintain this blog at all – I feel no burning desire to explore other facets of my life to this degree, inviting comments from the public to further expand my horizons. Both themes are inextricably entwined. Hell, addiction is part of the reason Sprog was placed for adoption, and conversely, placing Sprog for adoption is part of why I have such immense difficulty fighting the addiction. Furthermore, obliterating the addiction theme from this blog would be basically lying to my readers. If I cannot accept who and what I am, how can I ever expect anyone else (particularly my son) to?

I am not going to proudly announce that I am a drug addict, nor am I especially proud of my status as a birth father. I am proud of my son. Kind of scary that ejaculation should be one’s greatest accomplishment. It is a funny old world.


8 Responses to “Stereotypes – represent!”

  1. I think that there will always be some people who believe in the sterotypes… no matter what anyone says or does…

    There are others… who believe the sterotypes only because they have never been told any thing else. There is a chance for these people. If they can just find new info from which to learn…

    I do not believe that you add or take from that sterotype. People who want to believe it, will no matter what anyone says. But those who are willing to look outside the box, will see that you are not a sterotype. You are a man. You are another Human!

    I don’t believe that you should change your blog for fear that other’s may use it to fuel their ignorance. You should remain true to yourself. This is Your blog and should be as you want it. That is the only answer.

  2. The stereotypes fit the needs of adopters and agency workers. You can justify taking a child from a drug addicted criminal and call it in the best interest of the child.

    It tends to be a bit harder for them to justify taking a child from a decent young girl (or boy) who is screaming with arms outstretched for their child.

    They must perpetuate the nut or slut crack whore mother myth to justify their tactics (coercion, intimidation, closed records, etc.)

    I too wish there were more dads like you out there sharing. I have urged my daughters father numerous times but he remains in the closet. Only his wife knows. Not his other children, not his parents, etc.

    That makes me sad for him and sad for our daughter.

    Secrets are never good.

    : (

  3. I’m voting with you (not that you asked for a vote) that the two, addiction and adoption, are two parts of one problem and should be kept in one blog.

    And addict or not, I’m glad you’re around.

  4. But you know, you have the chance to break down TWO stereotypes in one blog, this way. The stereotype of the drug-addict junkie who is irresponsible about everything and doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself (because that is NOT you), and the stereotype of the uninvolved and disinterested bio father.

    Anyway. It’s not really about breaking down stereotypes. It’s about being you. It just so happens that you are NOT a stereotype. People will see that if they read long enough.

  5. Ah Nicole… you just never get to see me when I am busy not giving a shit about anyone but myself, because I am never here at those times. And as I said elsewhere earlier tonight, from Sprog’s family’s point of view I probably look uninvolved and disinterested. It was not something I had really considered until now. Will have to mull over it some.

    True Suz, secrets are never good. I only just told my family about Sprog last year. I think the longer you wait the harder it is. They took it better than I expected. I still do not have the heart to tell them about the addiction thing though.

  6. Tell me about my curious revenge I have a fresh joke for you) How do you keep a bagel from getting away? Put lox on it!

  7. Ну-ну.. Все у нас такие умные, а якобы предварительно дела доходит – хрен там..

  8. Joomla News- components,modules,plugins,templates for Joomla.


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