Finding the void

So I am searching for God as I know him/her/it. Yeah, yeah, I am going to proselytize on twelve step programs again. Well, not exactly, on account of not actually being a convert myself at this stage.

I was seduced into watching a little movie earlier tonight. Interview With the Devil. Apparently only one in 3,254 people wants to be saved. You are supposed to click a link at the end if you are one of them. I was feeling pretty deluded by the duplicity at that point, so I guess I am not going to be saved. Dammit.

Then I saw this other little movie – another Devil link. Knights of the Round Table. Don’t worry, there is no need to click on anything at the end.

Compare and contrast, if you will. The beatific propaganda vs the unbridled hilarity. The Heaven life – sitting on a cloud playing a harp – vs the Hell life – rocking out with a scream and a shout. Finding God is hard, because there are no favors done by the Believers. Nope, they are happy to let you conclude that you will be stuck with this frikking harp for all eternity, oh and your dick will stop working too.

So it is with Narcotics Anonymous. The impression abounds that being clean and serene – finding peace – means being a boring old ass. That you are supposed to find joy in baking and possibly some woodworking or knitting if you are so inclined. That partying is a thing of the past, and you must leave your youth behind.

Small wonder that people run for the hills with these messages slapping them in the face.

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2 Responses to “Finding the void”

  1. I’m slowly figuring this out in a way that makes sense for me. Though it’s not by any means completely solved. I hope you’re able to.

    It’s slippery. My concept of “god” is so much less concrete than the typical 12-step version of god. Makes it hard to hang onto the “solutions” I work out in regards to doing the steps.

  2. My concept of God is pretty nebulous. Somewhat akin to the concept of Fate, I guess. I believe that what is meant to be will be, and that if we do not get what we want, it is because what is meant to be is something else, and it will happen in the fullness of time. I am trying to reconcile this with the concept of a Higher Power. I dare not tackle Step 2 until I get that sorted.

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