Seasonal Guilt Disorder

Trying to decide what to get our son for Christmas. Something small that we can send through the mail? Or order something bigger online and have it delivered? Is that too impersonal? Which will he appreciate more?

We have not visited at Christmas since our first daughter was born. We always used to visit at Christmas. My son’s family pictures from last Christmas are… heartbreaking. There he is, sitting under the tree, opening presents. Presents that were just what he wanted. But he does not have that typical look of a kid on Christmas morning with all the promise of spending the day playing with new toys and eating good food. He looks sad, and lost.

So, egocentric as I am, I wonder if that is because we – the rest of his family – are not there. I wonder if he feels like he is not important to us now we have kids who we are parenting. Maybe he feels replaced.

I do not know what to say to him. Am I reading into it? Was he just pissed in those pictures because he got Antz-in-the-Pantz and not yellow Mega-man? Will it just make things worse if I try to reassure him that we still love him, that our daughters have not replaced him in any way. Maybe he has not thought anything like that but me voicing it will make him think about it.

I should probably ask his parents, but I do not want to sound like an ass.

Adoption sucks.

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7 Responses to “Seasonal Guilt Disorder”

  1. You won’t sound like an ass.

  2. A concerned father doesnt seem like an ass to me.

    And yes, adoption sucks.

    Happy Holidays to you and yours. Good to hear from you.

  3. So does this mean you’re going out for a visit soon? :) I think there are ways to engage his parents without sounding like an ass. May take a little planning and practice beforehand so you’re comfortable. “So, I’m wondering how X is feeling about having two new baby sisters?”

    As I recall, he’s a little older than Danger Dan. It’s a self-reflective, almost melancholy age in general. They start to doubt in Santa, for one thing, and seek in every small thing truth that he exists.

    I wonder more Brad if this isn’t more about how you feel projected on to him? :)

    Hugs. Hang in. I’m here always, yanno. Regina

  4. Brad — Just wanted to second what Regina said … it is the age where they are over tired and over excited, and for the first time the EXPECTATION of Christmas never again matches the reality. Its a sad truth that all of my kids have also had to work through.

    Hugs to you and your family this season!

  5. Is ut possible you could visit this christmas? why have the christmas visits stopped?

  6. PS I’m in an open adoption and I know how it is. We have no control over visits… : (

    Sometimes I find that if I say something, really kindly and without pressure that I would love to get together more, it does work!

    I’ve been thinking about you, how are you?

  7. I miss you. Hope all is ok.

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